The pain I feel when you're gone
by OhMyLotz
Summary: Carol finds out that Natasha died on Vormir and wants to get her back.


Hello everyone,

this is my second work (I still can not believe I'm back to writing! It makes me so happy!) and I feel like there is not enough Carolnat content out there so here is my try to make it a bit better :)

Enjoy and please don't forget to leave a comment if you like it.

* * *

The moment Thanos' army stared to turn into dust Carol knew that they won.  
They saved the universe from a dangerous tyrant and could finally go on with their lives.  
Sure, the last 5 years changed a lot, but she hoped that everything would find its balance again.  
Carol looked around, trying to find a certain redhead but couldn't find her.  
Weird.  
She already tried to spot her during the battle, but she must have missed her.  
She saw Clint a few meters away and went over to him.  
"Hey Clint! What happened? Where is Nat? I tried to find her during the battle, but I couldn't find her anywhere."  
The archer turned around and looked at her.  
"Carol...", his voice broke.  
"Clint? What... what happened?"  
She saw Clint tearing up.  
No.  
This could not be. She has to be fine. They haven't seen each other in months.  
Carol haven't felt Natasha's skin, their lips on each other's for way too long.  
Natasha is the biggest badass Carol has ever met.  
"No! She's okay! She has to be okay. Tell me she's okay."  
Clint closed the gap between them and just pulled her into her arms.  
"I'm so sorry Carol. There was no other way. She sacrificed herself for that stone. I couldn't stop her."  
All Carol could feel was pain in her chest. It could not be. She finally met her soulmate and now she's gone? That just can't be true.  
Her legs collapsed underneath her, and she sank to her knees. Hot tears were streaming down her face. She sobbed uncontrollably. Clint was still embracing her.  
"She loved you so much Carol. She was a completely different person with you around. You gave her life an even better meaning."  
She can't be dead. They had so many plans.  
Carol couldn't feel anything anymore. Her body grew numb and eventually everything went to black.

The first thing Carol felt after waking up was emptiness.  
Someone brought her inside, because she was laying on a couch, covered by a thin blanket.  
"How are you feeling" she heard Clint ask from the other side of the room.  
Tear shot into Carol's eyes again. The numb feeling in her chest turned into pain.  
"What happened?" Carol's voice broke.  
Clint looked at her, trying to find the right words.  
"We... we figured out a way to bring everyone back. But with Thanos destroying the stones we could only get them in the past. Somehow Tony figured out the whole time travel thing and we all went on different missions to retrieve the stones.  
Nat and I went to Vormir to get the soul stone. What we didn't know was that the soul stone can only be retrieved by an exchange. A soul for a soul. So, Natasha sacrificed herself to save us all."  
"An exchange? So, we can get her back?"  
"I don't think it works like that."  
"Let me try it. I have to get her back. I cannot lose her!"  
"We have to bring back the stones. But..."  
"But what? Give me that damn stone and bring me to that damn planet!"  
"Carol. We need to rest first. We all got hurt during the fight and we lost so many people."  
"I'm fine! I just want my Nat back. I don't care about how. I love her and I can't live without her anymore."  
Carol stood up and wanted to make her way outside, but Clint stopped her before she could actually leave.  
"Listen. We're having a funeral for Tony in a few days. Stay here until then and rest and we go on the mission to bring Nat back after this. Okay? I know how you feel. Believe me. For 5 years I thought I've lost my family forever. I went on a goddamn killing spree because my family had to die, and all those gang bosses were spared. All I could feel was pain and anger. But I got them back and so will you."  
Carol could feel the sobs breaking out of her and when Clint pulled her into a tight hug, she let all the pain out. It felt like she cried for hours before she sat down again. Exhaustion overwhelming her.  
"Who will bring back the stones?"  
"Probably Steve. Bruce is still hurt from the snap; Thor is leaving with the Guardians soon and Tony well..."  
"I wanna go back with him. I'm sure he needs backup!"  
"We don't have enough Pym Particles for that Carol. We got Hank Pym back but synthesizing new particles will take a while. Steve will probably go back to the 70's first and steal more before he can continue the mission."  
Carol nodded, too tired to reply.  
"Just... I hope it will be possible to get her back. The keeper said it's an everlasting exchange but it's also some weird space magic thing and there isn't really a manual on how to use it, I guess. But we should hope for the best. As long as we have the stones, there is hope."  
"It has to work."  
Clint took Carol's hand and squeezed it encouragingly. Then he stood up and headed into the direction of the kitchen.  
"You must be hungry. Come on let's get some food in you."  
Carol gave him a small smile and nodded thankfully.  
Steve and Wanda looked up when Clint and Carol entered the kitchen. Their faces were showing that they've been crying and when they saw Carol they got up and went over to hug her.  
"Thank you for saving us. We wouldn't have won without you." Steve said. Wanda nodded in agreement.  
"How are you holding up" the blonde asked.  
Steve and Wanda looked at each other before answering.  
"I guess we're holding up. We lost three very important members of our family and that's hard. But I guess you must feel the same. How are you holding up?" Wanda asked, taking Carol's hand into hers.  
"Well what can I say. I'm sure we can get her back somehow. We have to. I'm holding on to that thought."  
"We are already working out how to rebuild the time tunnel. Bruce, Shuri and Doctor Pym are on it right now. We will see how fast they'll be done. I got some extra Pym particles and will bring back the stones myself. I hope it will be sooner than later." Steve said, sounding like this is the only thing he can say to encourage all of them.

A week has passed since the final battle but for Carol it felt like an eternity. She and Natasha used to talk almost every day even when she was on missions on the other end of the universe. And not being able to talk for over a week now has been torture.  
Tony's funeral came and went by. It was a beautiful service in his honor. All his loved ones were there, all the Avengers, Guardians and S.H.I.E.L.D. members.  
He really made an impression on a lot of people out there.  
The news has covered everything that happened obviously, but they didn't know everything and that might be the best for everyone.  
Families have been reunited and lovers saw each other again after 5 years.  
However, with half the population coming back all of the sudden there were also a lot of obstacles that needed to be handled but Carol was sure there will be a good solution for everything.  
Bruce, Shuri and Doctor Pym were close to finishing the new time tunnel, in fact they were already doing tests with it. Everyone just hoped that returning the stones will go as smooth as possible because this time Steve will be all by himself. No one to help him distract people, no one to back him up.  
Carol tried to distract herself by helping to clear out the destroyed compound.  
There were already plans in order to rebuild the whole thing in memory of Tony, Natasha and Vision.  
Carol was removing a huge part of the building from the rubble when she heard Clint calling her.  
She brought the chunk of concrete to a designated area before flying over to the archer.  
"We're done with the preparations Carol. Steve is already getting ready to bring back the stones. We're just waiting for you to join us now..."  
Clint didn't even need to finish his sentence before Carol was back in the air flying over to where they set up the platform. This was it. The moment of truth.  
Steve was already wearing the suit, talking to Bucky when Carol arrived. They looked over to her and Steve patted Bucky's shoulder before walking over to her.  
"Carol. I will do my best to get her back to you. But remember we do not know if this will actually work out." he said.  
"I know. But for once I'm trying to be an optimist here." she smirked.  
Steve nodded and grinned.  
"Be safe Steve. Come back to us in one piece."  
"I will try my best."  
With those words Steve turned around and walked up the platform.  
"Okay Steve. First stop will be 1970 shortly after you and Tony took the Tesseract. Remember to get more particles to keep going with the mission. And be careful. Take all the time you need and don't rush into dangerous situations. You take all the time you need. For us it will be 5 seconds." Bruce explained.  
Steve stood in the middle of the platform, preparing himself for what is to come.  
"I guess see you in 5 seconds then." he said before hitting the button on his sleeve.  
A helmet opened up and Steve disappeared with a flash.  
"Okay people this is it! 5.. 4..3..."  
Carol closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This has to work.  
She was never a religious person but, in this moment, she prayed to all gods that she will see Natasha again in a few seconds.  
She mentally prepared herself for the whole thing not working out, but she was too hopeful for it failing.  
She thought back to the night Natasha and she met for the first time, shortly after she got the pager call from Fury.  
The moment she laid eyes on her she just knew she found her soulmate.  
It didn't take them long to figure out their feelings for each other after everything calmed down again and the Avengers basically split, to deal with their loss in their own ways.  
The two women where holding up the fort in the compound but after a few months Carol had to leave for missions in space again and they became longer with every time. It was hard on them, but they got used to the situation and figured it out.  
The last mission Carol went on was shortly before they had figured out the whole time travel stuff. And even though Nat kept her updated on what they archived by that time, the night before they went back in time Carol was doing an undercover mission and was not able to contact Natasha.  
Wasn't able to tell her how much she loved her for one last time.  
Wasn't able to tell her to come back to her.  
So, this has to work, otherwise Carol did not know what to do.  
She opened her eyes again in the moment Bruce hit the button to retrieve Steve from the Quantum realm.  
Just one person appeared. And that person immediately collapsed to their knees.  
Carol ran up the platform to check on the person when the helmet opened, and a red braid fell down Natasha's shoulder.  
It worked! She was back! She was back and alive!  
Carol sank to her knees right next to Natasha and put her arms around her.  
"Oh Nat. You're back!" She sobbed.  
"Carol. Is that you?" Natasha hugged her back so tight. It was almost like she was holding on to her in fear she will be taken away again every second.  
"I missed you so much! Never do that ever again! We would have found another way than you sacrificing yourself!" Carol loosened the hug and looked at her, tears streaming down her face. She pulled Natasha into a deep kiss that mirrored everything she felt in that second.  
Love, relief, happiness.  
"I love you so much" Carol said once they parted again.  
"I love you too. So much I can't even put it in words!"  
The two women melted into another kiss before they heard someone clearing their throat, they parted and looked up.  
And there they were standing. Bruce, Sam, Bucky and Clint.  
Clint.  
Natasha got up, not without grabbing Carol's hand, pulling her up with her and went over to Clint to hug him as well.  
"Nat. I can't... You're back! Never do anything so stupid EVER again!" Clint cried while hugging the redhead.  
"Are they back? Are Laura and the kids back?" Natasha asked, breaking the hug.  
Clint nodded.  
"Then it was worth it. And Steve got me back as well so there's that!" Natasha smiled, tears streaming down her face.  
"Talking about Steve. Where is he?" Sam asked.  
"He came to Vormir last and said that there is only one place that he has to go after bringing me back. I guess he finally listened to me and got himself a life he deserves." Natasha explained.  
"Guys, look!" Bucky suddenly said.  
They all looked at him and followed the direction he was looking at and there he was, sitting on a bench in front of the lake. A really old version of Steve.  
Natasha smiled and put her arms around Carol again.  
Bucky told Sam to go over to Steve and they watched how the old man handed over his shield to Sam.  
Passing on the duty as Captain.

A few hours and a lot of hugs later Carol and Nat were finally alone in their apartment in the city, curled up on the couch just enjoying each other's company.  
"I thought I lost you forever. How could you think this was the only solution Nat?"  
"For me in that situation it was the only reasonable thing to do. Leaving you behind was the hardest decision of my life, but just the thought of having to tell Laura and the kids that their dad died.  
I'm basically their aunt and a role model to Lila. I just couldn't stand that thought. But you were the only person I could think about while falling. You made my life so much brighter and I don't know how I would have survived those 5 years without you by my side. I want you to know that. You saved me."  
"And you saved me. Without you I would have spent my whole life in space, wandering from planet to planet trying to help. You gave me a home on earth again."  
"Aww are you getting soft on me, Danvers?"  
"Never!" Carol laughed, switching their positions around so Natasha was under her when she kissed her.  
They got lost in their kiss for some time and just rested their foreheads against each other's to catch some oxygen.  
"It was only a week for me but imagine living without you was the worst thing I could ever imagine. I never want to be without you anymore." Carol whispered.  
She sat up and Natasha looked at her, she was confused.  
"Before I met you all I had was meaningless compared to the love I feel for you. You are my soulmate and I'm in pain when you're not around. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Natasha. And I hope you want the same. So. Will you marry me?"  
Natasha just looked at her lovingly.  
"Carol Susan Jane Danvers. I could not imagine my life without you in it as well so yes. Yes, I will marry you!"  
They shared another kiss, promising each other their future and they know as long as they will be together nothing bad can come between them.


End file.
